Tag Archives: parenting tips

Transforming ADHD Support Services in Australia

Australia is at a crossroads in tackling attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), as spotlighted in a recent Senate committee report. The report emphasises the need for reform in ADHD support services nationwide, intertwining crucial themes around psychologists in Melbourne, accessible ADHD assessments, attainable ADHD treatment and local therapeutic expertise.

ADHD’s Impact in Australia

ADHD, affecting roughly 1 in 20 Australians, presents challenges in concentration and impulse control, predominantly surfacing in childhood. Diagnosing the disorder requires meticulous behavioral assessments, often involving specialists such as psychiatrists or pediatricians.

Senate Committee’s Deep Dive on ADHD Services in Australia

Initiated in March, the Senate committee’s investigation gathered insights from over 700 submissions, shedding light on the hurdles faced by Australians with ADHD. The comprehensive report, comprising 15 recommendations, advocates for a substantial overhaul of ADHD services.

ADHD Recommendations Unveiled

The recommendations span a spectrum of improvements. The report urges the government to enhance Medicare support for ADHD services, broadening access to treatment and considering the addition of more ADHD medications to the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme (PBS).

Collaboration with advocacy groups and individuals with lived experiences is encouraged to formulate a national ADHD framework. Tackling stigma through public health campaigns and awareness initiatives also features prominently in the proposed reforms.

Inclusive Environments for ADHD: Schools and Workplaces

Recognizing ADHD’s impact on education and employment, the committee advocates for tailored strategies. These include flexible learning and working options, neurodiversity training for educators and employers, and minimum standards for accommodating ADHD in these environments.

Political Responses and the Road Ahead for ADHD Treatment

While Coalition Senators express initial support for the report, concerns about access to ADHD treatment in regional Australia are raised. Greens Senators propose additional measures, including the appointment of a Disability Minister and ADHD training programs for educators.

With the government having three months to respond, the urgency of implementing these reforms is underscored, given that over 800,000 Australians grapple with the challenges posed by ADHD annually.

ADHD Assessment & Treatment Melbourne

As we navigate these transformative changes, it’s crucial to highlight the role of dedicated professionals. Three Seas Psychology stands out, offering ADHD assessments for both children and adults. Our team of highly experienced therapists with a strong focus in ADHD, providing invaluable support to those on this unique journey. Book now with one of ADHD focused Melbourne psychologists for adults and children.

Parenting Tips & How to Make Parenting Easier?

How to Make Parenting Easier? Some tips and advice from our therapists and psychologists to help you through the maze that is parenting. Parenting is, simply put, harder than it used to be. Parents face an avalanche of unreasonable expectations and are chronically plagued by the sense that they’re just not doing enough. Many parents who pursue counselling for their children find that they also need it themselves—both to manage the challenges of parenting a difficult child, and to cope with the myriad self-esteem issues that accompany contemporary parenting.

Five Things You Can Do Right Now to Make Parenting Easier

It doesn’t have to be this hard. Here are five things you can do right now to make your job as a parent so much easier.

Choose Your Battles

Sure, everyone wants a perfect child. But dos your child really need to follow your every demand? Successful parenting is about choosing your battles. Think about what really matters and stick to your guns. Then leave the small power struggles alone. It doesn’t really matter if your child reads in bed, doesn’t play the instrument you want him to play, or wants to pain her room a colour you dislike. If you don’t choose your battles carefully, you will spend your entire life as a parent fighting with your child—and you will probably lose most fights.

Embrace Natural Consequences

You don’t have to punish your child for every transgression. Most bad acts come with natural consequences, but you need to let your child experience these consequences. If she doesn’t eat her dinner, she’ll be hungry until the next meal. If he stays up too late, he’ll be exhausted at school. If he doesn’t study, he will incur his teacher’s wrath. Allowing your child to experience natural consequences makes your job easier, and it prepares your child for life in the real world. That’s a double win.

Don’t Try to Control Everything

It’s hard when your child isn’t exactly like you, or when you don’t understand something about your child. But trying to control things that don’t matter—your child’s political or religious beliefs, or his or her sexual orientation, for instance—is a recipe for failure and frustration. Don’t try to control things that are uncontrollable. Instead, focus on the basics—no drugs or alcohol, good grades, treating others with respect, and following family rules of decency.

Enjoy Time With Your Child

Parenting can feel like an endless stream of tasks: clean the kitchen, make dinner, help your child with homework. The list goes on and on, and few of these tasks are actually enjoyable. Time for a new set of priorities. Do only what absolutely needs to be done, and schedule more time for fun. Whether it’s a family movie night, a weekly hike, or just 30 minutes a night spent watching a favourite show together, you’ll enjoy parenting more—and cultivate a better relationship with your child—while getting a much-needed break from life’s most annoying tasks.

Get a Break

You do not have to spend every waking moment with your child to be a good parent. Your relationships with yourself, your friends, and your spouse also matter. Set aside time for each. Schedule a weekly date night. Go to the spa. Take an evening away from your kids. Parenting is hard work, and you’ll be better equipped to tackle it head on when you’re rested and feel good about yourself. If things get serious you can always come to us for couple’s counselling or children counselling. We have a range of psychologists who specialise in family therapy.

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Why Parents Seek Counselling for Their Children

Discover why parents seek counselling for their children? A popular misconception suggests that only children with severe psychological or behavioural problems need counselling. The truth is much more nuanced. Children counselling can help children with a range of issues, including the everyday stress of childhood. Therapy isn’t for broken or bad children, though it can certainly help even these kids. Instead, it offers a welfare boost for all children, helping kids move out of unhealthy behaviour patterns and adjust to life’s challenges. If you’re worried about your child, don’t wait till he or she is in serious trouble to seek counselling. Counselling can benefit your child right now.

Here are the most common reasons parents seek therapy for their children, according to our clinical psychologists.

Drug and Alcohol Use

Drug and alcohol use is more common among teenagers than you might think. Studies consistently show that more than half of adolescents have tried alcohol and drugs. Left unsupervised and without intervention, casual use can quickly turn into an addiction. It can also severely disrupt your child’s healthy development. If your child is using drugs or alcohol, it’s time to seek outside help.

Behavioural Difficulties

If your usual discipline tactics have stopped working, or if they appear to be making things worse, don’t let things escalate out of control. Therapy can help with a range of behavioural problems, including disobedience, sneaking out, tantrums, sibling fights, and other common issues.

Difficulty Making Friends

Friends can enrich the life of every child, offering additional support at school and helping children master the social skills that will serve them well for a lifetime. When a child can’t make friends, a school can become a place of immense stress. Children who cannot make friends may also be exposed to bullying. Therapy can help your child master basic social skills, overcome social anxiety, and better understand the barriers she faces to strong friendships.

Family Conflict

Family life isn’t easy. After all, you have multiple people with different personalities and different interests living under the same roof for years on end. Conflict is almost inevitable. If your family is constantly fighting, counselling can help you understand the underlying problems so that you can fix them.

Parents’ Divorce

Even “good” low-conflict divorces are challenging for children. And if you and your ex are endlessly fighting, your child’s living situation has changed, or you can’t agree about custody, it is inevitable that your child will be affected. The more difficulties you and your ex have getting along, the worse, it will be for your child. Counselling helps your child cope, while offering you piratical ideas for managing your divorce, controlling your emotions, and getting along with your ex.

Depression, Anxiety, and Other Mental Health Issues

About 10% of children struggle with a mental health issue at some point. Your child is not choosing depression, anxiety, or ADHD, and you cannot punish him out of these behaviours. Counselling can help you find ways for your family to manage your child’s symptoms, offer your child insight into her condition, and help you all move forward into happy, productive family harmony.

Problems at School

A school is a lot like your kid’s job. It has its unique stresses and challenges, and some children feel they just don’t fit in at school. Others can’t seem to master the academic routine or get their homework done. If your child struggles at school, it’s not his fault. We can help you understand what the problem is, aid your child to do better at school, and help both you and your child move beyond endless fights about education and academic achievement.

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Teen Eating Disorders: What Parents Can Do to Help

Research consistently shows that parents are concerned about bullying, substance abuse, and sexual behaviour among their children. But one of the most significant teenage risk factors might be one you never consider: eating disorders such as bulimia and anorexia. Most people with eating disorders first develop symptoms in adolescence. These disorders carry a higher fatality rate than any other mental illness, and can destroy your child’s health before you even notice the problem. Here’s what parents need to know about teens with eating disorders, and what they can do to help.

Teen Eating Disorders: Know the Warning Signs

Eating disorders thrive in secrecy, so knowing your teen and understanding what’s normal for her is vital to detecting symptoms before it’s too late. Some warning signs of eating disorders include:

• Disappearing after each meal.
• Unexplained tooth decay that may be due to vomiting food after a meal.
• Sudden excess growth of body hair.
• Unexplained weight loss.
• Changes in skin texture or appearance.
• Looking pale or weak.
• Low self-esteem or depression.
• Anxiety or controlling behaviour surrounding food; your teen might refuse to eat in certain circumstances, or get defensive when you ask innocuous questions about what she wants to eat.

Why Teens Develop Eating Disorders

Between 90%-95% of people with eating disorders are women, though eating disorders are becoming more common among young men. The reason for this is fairly simple: teens, especially girls, face enormous pressure to conform to an unreasonable standard of beauty that demands thinness. In the face of this pressure, some teens suffer a loss of self-esteem that causes them to take serious risks with their health and eating habits.

Some teens are more likely to develop eating disorders than others. Some risk factors include:

• A history of sexual abuse.
• Controlling parents.
• Obsessive or perfectionistic tendencies.
• Participating in sports that demand thinness, such as ballet, gymnastics, wrestling, or swimming.
• Suffering a recent trauma.
• A history of depression or self-esteem problems.
• A family history of eating disorders.

Of course, some teens develop eating disorders even though they have no risk factors, and others avoid disordered eating in spite of a range of risk factors.

What Parents Can Do

If your child has an eating disorder, your first inclination might be to get angry and even punish her. But attempting to control your child can actually make symptoms worse, since eating disorders are often about control and anxiety. Instead, talk to your child about her body image and ask what you can do to help. Counselling is of paramount importance. Don’t ignore the role your child’s psychology plays in her disordered eating, even if she promises to change or insists she’ll stop. Eating disorders are a lot like addictions; they happen for a reason, and children counselling can help you and your child uncover the reason.

At Three Seas, we partner with parents and their children to get to the heart of disordered eating. We can help you find ways to support your child as we work with your child to improve self-esteem and cultivate a lifetime of healthy eating.

What to Do When Your Kids Won’t Sleep in Their Own Rooms

What to Do When Your Kids Won’t Sleep in Their Own Rooms. “I had a bad dream! Can I sleep with you?”

It’s the siren song of children across the globe, much to the chagrin of countless parents. Parents who give in find themselves sacrificing their privacy for months or even years. Parents who hold firm must listen to endless sobs and worry that they are dooming their children to years of counselling to recover from the whole experience.

There’s a better way, but it’s not always easy. Here’s what you need to know about children who won’t sleep in their own rooms.

Why Won’t My Child Sleep in His Room?

Parents are quick to dismiss annoying behaviour by children as deliberate or manipulative ploys. The truth is that, until the age of about 8, children simply do not have the intellectual or psychological wherewithal to be manipulative. And even then, their behaviour usually has to do with attempting to get their needs met—not a desire to manipulate you.
For most of human history, children have slept in the same room as their parents. Infants typically slept in the same bed, while children normally slept in a small hut or home with parents only a few feet away. The way we do things now is a radical departure from how humans have evolved to sleep, so it’s no wonder that children struggle with it. Before you do anything, know this: your child can’t sleep in her own room because she is reacting to centuries of evolutionary heritage, not because she wants to be naughty or manipulative.
Ultimately, there are two reasons children won’t sleep in their own rooms, and for most children, both factors are an issue:

• Bedtime is a time for closeness and comfort, and children like being in contact with their parents. Your child’s desire to sleep with you is a sign that he or she has a healthy attachment to you. In other words, if your child keeps you up at night, it means you’ve done something right—hard as that may be to believe!
• Night-time is scary. Ghosts and goblins, shadows and noises, and very real fears about burglars can keep children up all night. It’s easy to dismiss these fears, but children cannot. Think of the time you’ve been most afraid in your entire life. Odds are good that is what your child feels every time he or she goes to sleep. Consider this next time you find yourself getting angry about your child’s inability to sleep alone.

Can Therapy Help?

Refusing to sleep alone is developmentally normal for children under two, and children may continue to struggle through eight or nine. Thereafter, your child may need help. Additionally, consider children counselling if:

• Your child has extreme and unreasonable fears that do not relent.
• Your child has recently experienced a trauma.
• Your child shows symptoms of anxiety or depression.
• You have recently gotten divorced.
• There is violence or verbal abuse in the family.

A Plan for Independent Sleeping

The key to getting your child to sleep alone involves three separate components:

1. Create a sleeping space that feels safe. Allow your child to remodel his or her room, and remove anything scary, such as a lamp that casts a creepy shadow. Install a quality night light and a white noise machine.
2. Show your child he or she can trust you. Do not lock the door to your room, and do not banish him or her from your room. Instead, keep bedtime rituals calm, loving, and full of reassurance.
3. Gradually move your child back into his or her room. This can take weeks or even months. Begin by asking him or her to sleep in the room alone for brief periods—10 or 15 minutes—and check on her in between these intervals. Gradually increase the time between checks until your child is successfully falling asleep alone.

If you’re still having trouble after three months of trying, consider consulting a counsellor.

At The Three Seas, we provide a range of counseling services including emdr therapy, psychoanalytic therapy services, and more! Browse our services today or contact us for more information.

5 Strategies for Managing Your Child’s ADHD

5 Strategies for Managing Your Child’s ADHD

ADHD is the single most common childhood ailment. And while popular press reports present it as little more than a minor annoyance—or even an altogether manufactured disorder—parents living with ADHD children know that it is very real. From forgetting everything, including basic hygiene, to constant complaints from teachers and peers, children with ADHD face a number of challenges. They are more vulnerable to depression and behavioural problems, and more likely to use drugs, engage in reckless behaviour, and have troubled romantic and platonic relationships.

Therapy can help you and your child locate and implement effective coping strategies, while helping you process your feelings—which may include anger, frustration, resentment, sadness, and confusion. These five additional strategies can also help, and don’t require any special training or skill:

Re frame Your Child’s Behaviour

Whether it’s forgetting to do his homework, endlessly provoking her siblings, or constantly throwing tantrums, it’s easy to become frustrated and overwhelmed by your child’s behaviour. But children don’t behave badly on purpose. They behave badly because they are missing something they need, and this is even more true among children with ADHD. Next time you think you might lose it on your child, remind yourself that the problematic behaviour is not a choice; it’s the product of ADHD. Your job is to help your child find a solution, not punish him or her.

Focus on Rewards

Rewarding your child is more fun than punishing him, and it works better, too. Children with ADHD make mistakes because they lose control, not because they want to anger you. Give your child an incentive to make better choices by rewarding her when she does the right thing. A sticker-based reward chart, or a small daily reward for doing the right thing can both work wonders.

Help Your Child Understand His or Her Brain

Parents often avoid talking to their children about ADHD. Sometimes this is because they don’t know how or think their child is too young. Other times it’s because they worry that conversation will stigmatise the child or make her feel bad. But your child already knows, on some level, that he is different. Help him understand what’s going on by explaining that his brain processes things a bit differently. You can then use this as a springboard for discussion about how you can help him. If you need help getting the conversation started, a family counselling can help.

Stay Active

Children with ADHD have more energy than other children, and will suffer immensely if they spend all day sitting in a classroom or in front of the television. They needs lots of breaks and lots of activity. Aim for at least 90 minutes of physical activity a day, and place your child in a school that encourages such activity. Don’t just throw your kid outside and tell her to exercise, though. Make it a family affair. Take up a sport together or go roller-skating. The goal should be to become more active as a group—not to ostracise your child and make him feel as though he has to to something different from the rest of the family.

Look at the Role of Diet

What your child eats matters. Children do not need and should not have caffeine, including in the form of sodas. Sugary snacks can also be a problem. This doesn’t mean you have to put your child on a restrictive diet; indeed, doing so can do more harm than good. But find ways to eat healthy meals as a family, and don’t buy the food that seems to most ignite your child’s ADHD. You might be surprised by how a few simple changes in diet can greatly improve your life.

If you want further support, we have a range of therapists who have a wealth of experience in counselling families. You may also want to look at the Australian ADHD website for further information.

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Five New Rules for Parenting

We hear it in almost every family counselling session we do at Three Seas: the parents of today just can’t seem to control their children. Many respond by enacting authoritarian, restrictive measures, or even by spanking their children. The truth is that the reason children are so often out of control is not because they are not punished enough. It is because they are overstimulated, don’t get enough one-on-one time with their parents, and are not taught the skills they need to entertain themselves.

A few simple parenting guidelines can change all of this. Forget about outdated discipline and controlling your child. We love Brene Brown’s Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto as a starting point. We’ve also popped ‘five new rules’ for parenting below.

Don’t Provide Constant Entertainment

A generation or two ago, it was common for parents to check in on their kids every hour or two, but to largely leave them alone. Now, kids are endlessly scheduled, and parents’ lives revolve around their children. This is bad for both. It means mom and dad never get a break, never get to enjoy quality time alone, and see time with their children as a task or chore—not something meaningful and enjoyable. Children whose parents are constantly entertaining them lose independence, creativity, and the ability to entertain themselves; they may also never master the basics of keeping themselves safe and quiet when left unsupervised.

Give children an environment in which they can thrive. Offer lots of art supplies, books, dress-up gear, and toys, but do not over-schedule your child! Do not provide him or her with constant entertainment. Consider even scheduling a family quiet hour, during which everyone entertains themselves. At first, you might have to repeatedly remind your child that it is quite time. Over time, though, your child will begin to master entertaining herself.

Focus on Earning Rewards, Not Punishment

Study after study has demonstrated something that few parents want to acknowledge: punishment simply does not work. Sure, it feels good. Sure, it might get your child to change his or her behavior, but only for a moment. Here’s why: children under the age of four or five have no concept of morality and little empathy, so punishment to them just feels like a parent being randomly mean. Children over the age of five have the ability to reason and negotiate. Punishing them, then, misses an opportunity to talk, teach, and improve their behavior for the future.

If you need to change your child’s behavior, focus on creating rewards instead. Some options include:

• Offering your child money for every chore completed.
• Creating a “sticker chart.” Every time your child does something you ask, he gets a sticker. When the chart is complete, he gets a special reward.
• Asking your child to earn things such as computer time and sweets with coupons she gets for good behavior.
• Not buying your child things, taking him or her on outings, or offering other “bonuses” until your child has earned them.

Control the Environment, Not the Child

Try as you might, you cannot control your child’s thoughts, feelings, or even behavior—particularly when she gets too big to carry. All you can do is create an environment in which your child is likely to succeed. If you know your child throws tantrums when she’s bored, don’t take her on a big outing without some entertainment. If your child responds poorly to change, keep change gradual, rewarding her for reacting calmly so she can steadily learn to do better. Controlling other people is a losing battle, even when those people are your children.

Children Will Do What is Available

We often see parents who are stunned by how much time their children spend in front of the television, or how much junk food they consume. But you are the parent! Parents control their children’s environments, and therefore control what is available. If you do not want your child to eat junk food, the solution is very simple: don’t buy junk food. By only making available activities, toys, and food that are good for your child, you make it easy—and rewarding!–for him to make good choices from the very beginning.

Limit Your Own Screen Time

More and more parents are concerned about the effects of computers, smartphones, and endless television time on their children. And while it is important to prevent your child from spending every waking second of every day on these devices, it might surprise you to learn that it is even more important to control your own behavior.

Children learn by example, so if your child sees endless screen time as a “grown-up” activity, she is infinitely more likely to want to imitate it. Likewise, the research consistently shows that it is parents, not children, who spend the most time on screens. Heartbreaking stories of parents ignoring first steps, bath time, and family mealtime put into painful perspective the cost of ignoring your child for a screen. If you’re interacting with your child, your phone does not need to be visible, let alone in your hands.

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20 Topics to Discuss With Your Children

It is the perennial frustration of every parent: queries about what your child did at school are met with eye rolls and a perfunctory “Nothing.” As children grow older and stop worshiping their parents, maintaining your relationship can become a challenge. But relationships cut both ways. If you can’t seem to connect with your child, don’t blame it all on him or her. Instead, consider whether you really want to connect. Can you listen to your child without judging him or her? Are you willing to accept criticism? Here are 20 topics to discuss with your children to get you started.

If you’re ready to reconnect, try asking these 20 questions. Just be prepared to respond with love and warmth even if you don’t like the answer. Communication means opening yourself up to vulnerability. Once your child sees that you’re willing to do that, and that you’re willing to listen, the floodgates may soon open even further.

Exploring Family Perspectives

• What’s the thing you like the most about our family? The least?
• What’s something I think about you that is no longer true?
• What values do you think we share? Do you think there are areas where we disagree?
• What things about our childhoods are similar? Which are different?

Parent-Child Relationship

• If you could change one thing about the way I parent you, what would it be?
• Do you ever feel like I am unfair to you?
• Have you ever been afraid to tell me something? What was it, and why?
• Do you ever feel like I expect you to behave in certain ways to earn my love?

School and Social Relationships

Navigating School Life

• What is most important for fitting in at your school?
• Do you think being a kid today is harder or easier than it was 20, 40, and 60 years ago?

Understanding Friendship

• What do you think the most important traits are in a friend? What traits make someone unworthy of friendship?
• Have you ever changed your mind about a person after getting to know them?
• Who is the meanest kid at your school? The nicest?

Personal Growth and Life Perspective

Reflecting on Self and Family

• If you could be doing anything in the world right now, what would it be?
• What don’t you understand about me or your other parent?
• If you could help me understand one thing about who you are, what would it be, and why?
• If you could ask me anything and get an honest answer, what would it be?

Exploring Beliefs and Lessons

• What’s the most important life lesson you’ve learned so far?
• What do you think of religion and spirituality? Have your beliefs changed over the years?

Future Aspirations

• Do you want to have kids of your own?
• What will you do differently from me, and what will you do the same?

Remember, kids may be reticent to talk at first, especially if you have a conflicted relationship. But with enough dedication and a willingness to truly listen, you may soon find yourselves engaged in deep, meaningful, and incredibly satisfying discussions.

At The Three Seas, we also provide a range of counseling services including post traumatic stress disorder therapy, cbt services, and more! Browse our services today or contact us for more information.