Sex is the spice of life. It gives you something to look forward to, solidifies your intimate connection with your partner, and helps you feel good about your body. But according to Australia’s largest sex and sexuality survey ever, many people struggle with a low libido. They want to want sex, but they can’t bring themselves to get into the mood. When libidos wane, relationships can erupt into conflict. The partner left without sex may feel angry and resentful, only further contributing to low libido. And the partner with decreased libido may experience a steady plummet in his or her self-esteem, only exacerbating the problem.
It does not have to be this way. Some libido issues are medical problems, but most can be fixed with lifestyle remedies. Three Seas counsels people on a range of libido issues, and can help you determine the nature of your issue. In the meantime, try one of these strategies.
Change Your Surroundings
Life can get dull after a lifetime of marriage, kids, working, and managing a house. If you feel bored with your spouse, the issue is not the person you loved and worshipped at one time. It might be your surroundings. Time to do something thrilling. Take a vacation together. Spend a night in a hotel. Do anything to get you out of your comfort zone and free of your habits. Can’t afford a lavish getaway? Just a night playing a sport together or roller-skating can help you break free from boredom.
Take a Break
Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Remember when you pined for your partner in between dates? Bring back the magic by spending some time apart. Ask your partner to stop asking you for sex for a week. Then spend the night in a hotel room all by yourself. You might be surprised by how libidinous you feel after this small departure.
Talk About Your Desires
Some people spend a lifetime together without ever sharing what they want sexually. Get over the same; therapy can help. Talk openly with your partner about what you want. The conversation alone can be arousing once you get going, and you may be surprised by how many options are available—even after years, or even decades, spent together.
Change the Way You Have Sex
On television and movies, sex follows a predictable pattern: kissing, brief foreplay, then intercourse that quickly results in ecstasy. The reality is that foreplay begins well before you get into the bedroom, and most women cannot orgasm from intercourse. Consider removing intercourse from the table, and trying other approaches: oral sex, mutual masturbation, even working up to anal sex. Not only will the change be exciting; it also forces both you and your partner to get more creative. And sexual creativity is the antidote to boredom. You may even find that both you and your partner feel like adventurous kids, free of pressure and timelines, when you find alternatives to intercourse.
Do Something Nice for Your Partner
If you’re the libidinous partner struggling with a partner who has a low libido, stop asking about sex. Give them a break. Instead, find a way to reduce their stress load. A messy house, screaming children, and bills that need to be paid are not conducive to sexual desire. Instead, clean the house, make dinner, get a baby-sitter, and create a relaxing environment for a day or two. Then gently initiate sex—but be willing to take no for an answer. Otherwise your partner will think you only do nice things when you want something in return. And that’s never a recipe for a satisfying sex life.