The end of your marriage can wreak havoc on your mental health, even if you were unhappy in your relationship or are the one who wanted the divorce. We counsel couples and individuals as they navigate the trials and tribulations of the divorce and separation process. Here’s what you need to know.
The end of a relationship can spark a roller-coaster ride of emotions. Your marriage forms a core part of your identity. So when you go through the end of a relationship, you are also experiencing a significant disruption in your sense of self. Marriages, even bad ones, provide people with something to do, a sense of purpose, and hope for the future. Thus even the loss of a bad marriage can send you into a tailspin of confusion, sadness, and frustration.
It is normal to feel different, and completely conflicting, emotions from one moment to the next. You might find yourself so depressed you cannot get out of bed one day, only to be excited about your new-found independence the next. Some of the many emotions you can expect to experience as you navigate your journey into a new life include:
Decades of research into the grieving process suggest that grief follows a specific pattern. The stages of grief often include:
You will not necessarily go through the stages of grief in any particular order, and you may move in and out of each stage several times. It is normal to spend more time in one or two stages; for example, some people spend a lot of time angry, but very little time in a state of denial. There’s no predetermined timetable for your grief, either. Some people move into acceptance within a matter of months. For others, it takes years.
The length of your marriage, your quality of life, your emotional health, how much support you have, how happy you are with your spouse, how contentious your divorce is, and numerous other factors can affect how quickly you grow to accept your divorce.
Trust your instincts. We have all heard it a thousand times. When you are going through a divorce, though, you might be better off ignoring your instincts. The grief of a divorce can spur you to behave in cruel, retaliatory, and profoundly self-destructive ways.
Remember: your feelings are not facts; just because you feel it does not make it true. Moreover, the fact that something feels good in the moment—like yelling at your spouse, sleeping with a stranger, or burning your ex’s clothes—does not mean it is good for you in the long-term.
These four principles can help you make wise choices when your feelings overwhelm you:
Grief is a funny thing. Even when you feel better or begin to accept your divorce, powerful emotions can come out of seemingly nowhere. Triggers are life events that remind you of the trauma of your divorce. Understanding this process can help you prepare, thereby reducing your pain. It is common to feel sad or angry when:
In the popular imagination, depression is a chemical imbalance. The truth is more complicated. Life events can trigger mental illness, or make the mental illness you already have worse. It is common to feel anxious, depressed, or obsessive when going through a divorce. However, for some people, the divorce triggers feelings they cannot seem to escape. Everyone can benefit from counselling during a divorce, but therapy can be particularly beneficial if:
People facing difficult life events can be reluctant to seek counselling. “The problem is not me; it is my life.” So goes the thinking. The truth is that the way you think about your life affects how you feel. How you feel affects how you behave, and your behaviour can make your life better or worse. Counselling can help you:
Counselling can even be a joint endeavour, during which you and your ex-devise strategies for divorcing in a less harmful way. In this approach, your counsellor serves as a mediator who helps you arrive at a better way of relating.
At Three Seas, we do individual and couples counselling at all stages of the divorce process. There’s a better life ahead of you. Let us show you how to find it.With dozens of private psychologists to choose from, you deserve to get the very best possible care.
General Enquiry
Therapy at The Three Seas Psychology provides a supportive space to process the complex emotions associated with divorce, such as grief, anger, and sadness. Our psychologists help individuals and couples develop healthy coping mechanisms and strategies to navigate this difficult life transition.
Yes, it is very common for divorce and separation to significantly impact mental health, even if you initiated the separation. Our psychologists can help you understand and manage feelings like anxiety, depression, and overwhelm, providing tools for emotional resilience.
Yes, The Three Seas Psychology counsels both individuals and couples as they navigate the trials and tribulations of the divorce and separation process. We provide tailored support to address the unique needs and dynamics of each situation.
Our counselling focuses on equipping you with practical strategies to manage stress, improve communication, and foster emotional well-being during and after separation. We help you build resilience and develop effective ways to cope with the changes in your life.
