The Psychology of Infidelity

Understanding Why People Cheat and How to Heal

Following recent headlines involving the CEO of Astronomer caught in a public act of infidelity at a Coldplay concert, many people are left asking: Why do people cheat? What drives someone in a position of power or prestige — or in any relationship — to betray their partner?

At The Three Seas Psychology, we see moments like these as opportunities for reflection. While media stories often sensationalise infidelity, psychology offers deeper insight into the emotional and relational factors at play.

What Is Infidelity?

Infidelity is more than just a physical affair. It can also be emotional, digital or psychological. At its core, it involves a breach of trust. It disrupts the foundation of emotional security in a relationship, often triggering feelings of betrayal, confusion and grief.

Why Do People Cheat? A Psychological Perspective

There is no single reason for infidelity. It is usually the result of a complex mix of personal history, relationship dynamics and situational factors. Here are some common explanations:

1. Attachment Styles

People with avoidant or anxious attachment styles may find emotional intimacy difficult. An anxious partner might cheat out of fear of abandonment, while someone with an avoidant style may use infidelity to create distance or regain a sense of control.

2. Low Self-Esteem or Need for Validation

Cheating can serve as a short-term boost to a person’s self-worth. Being desired by someone else may provide temporary validation, especially if the individual feels unseen or unappreciated in other areas of their life.

3. Power and Opportunity

Research suggests that people in positions of power are more likely to cheat. This may be due to increased opportunity, reduced fear of consequences or a sense of entitlement. Public figures may also be insulated from accountability, which can influence decision-making.

4. Emotional Disconnection in the Relationship

When emotional needs are neglected over time, one partner may seek connection elsewhere. This is not always premeditated, but rather a response to long-standing feelings of loneliness or frustration.

5. Impulsivity and Risk-Seeking Behaviour

Some people are more prone to acting on impulse or seeking novelty. For them, the secrecy or excitement of infidelity can feel like a form of escape, even if it leads to significant consequences.

The Emotional Impact of Infidelity

For the person who has been betrayed, the emotional effects of infidelity can be profound. Many experience:

• Shock and disbelief
• Anger and resentment
• Anxiety or panic
• Depression or emotional numbness
• Intrusive thoughts and difficulty sleeping

These reactions can mirror symptoms of trauma, which is why infidelity is often viewed through a mental health lens as well as a relational one.

Is It Possible to Recover?

Yes, but healing from infidelity requires time, commitment and often professional support.

Couples who move forward successfully tend to:

• Rebuild emotional safety through honest communication
• Attend couples therapy to understand underlying dynamics
• Engage in individual therapy to process grief, guilt or shame
• Create new agreements and boundaries based on shared values

At The Three Seas Psychology, our experienced therapists support both individuals and couples through the healing process. Whether you are dealing with the aftermath of betrayal or are struggling with your own actions, support is available.

Final Thoughts

The incident involving the Astronomer CEO may soon be forgotten in the news cycle, but the emotional pain of infidelity is a reality many people face. If you are affected by a breach of trust, you are not alone — and help is within reach.